A few weeks ago I decided to sell the lovely exercise bike that
my husband had given me as a birthday present a few years ago. I had used it
regularly for about a year before it became the large elephant in the room, unused
and staring at me every time I sat on the couch to watch television. We moved
it all over the house. When we sold our house we moved it from house to storage
to house. Over the past year we have lived here it has spent time unused, in
every room except the kitchen. It was difficult for me to let it go. I know I
never used it anymore, but it was given to me by my husband just before things
went bad.
It wasn’t our marriage that went sour, it was my health. I’ve
never been all that thin, but eight years ago I completed a marathon and a half
marathon. It was huge! Then I developed hypothyroidism, went back to college,
and subsequently gained 50 lbs. I earned my degree, got married, and started
living my happily ever after.
There were a few complaints, the majority of which had to do
with my health. I had tried over the years to get back into running and
exercising on a regular basis, but could never get into the swing of things.
Every time I made an attempt I would become very ill. I went to doctor after
doctor for 4 years. It wasn’t until January 2014 that one doctor was finally
able to make a positive diagnosis. I had fibromyalgia.
Like most modern physicians, his first response was to prescribe
me some pills. They would, essentially, block the malfunctioning nerve indicators
from sending unnecessary pain signals throughout my body. I was so excited that
there would be an end to my pain and a way for me to get my health back. I took
the pills faithfully and was horrified the next month at my follow-up
appointment to discover I had gained 30 lbs! My doctor was surprised, but other
than the weight gain the pills were working. I wasn’t in pain like I had been.
He advised me to half the dosage and since the pills were working, and
expensive, I complied. The next month at my follow-up I was again crushed to
learn I had gained another 15 lbs. In less than 8 weeks I had gained 45 lbs and
now weighed over 300 lbs!
At this point I was left with two options: 1) continue taking
the pills and end up needing to be removed from my house by a crane, or 2) stop
taking the pills and suffer the debilitating pain of fibromyalgia. I chose the
lesser of the two evils and stopped taking the pills, but the weight did not
come back off.
If you’ve never had the experience of gaining that amount of
weight in so little a time, let me enlighten you as to the results. First are
the stretch marks. Then your muscles spasm because they are under so much
strain. Your joints haven’t had time to adjust to the weight, so they are
stressed and the tissue swells. Combine that with my constant fibro- pain, I was
a wreck.
I could barely walk from my car to my desk at work (maybe
200 feet). I couldn’t sit comfortable in my chair because my back would ache. I
couldn’t stand for more than a few minutes because my feet were swollen and my
knees hurt. I was not able to go grocery shopping without using the store’s
motorized cart. My husband would drop me off and pick me up at the door so I
didn’t have to walk as far.
I tried diets and exercise, but nothing worked. It felt like
I had aged 20 years in a matter of months. After a lot of soul searching and
discussions with my husband and doctors I decided to have bariatric surgery (a
stomach bypass). I jumped through all of the hoops with the insurance and
finally had a surgery date set. Two weeks before the big day we discovered to
our delight that I was finally
pregnant.
We had been trying to have a baby for 2 years. Multiple
doctors had even hinted to me that I would not be able to conceive until I lost
at least 100 lbs. The surgery was cancelled and I continued my life of physical
pain.
You may guess how well the pregnancy went… Here is a brief
summary. At 2 months I started spotting and had to make weekly doctor visits to
check the baby’s health. At 4 months they casually mentioned that the baby
seemed a bit small, but nothing to be worried about. At 5 months I was 5 lbs lighter
than when I conceived (yay!) but developed a muscle spasm in my back. They gave
me muscle relaxants and pain meds, but
I couldn’t take them at the same time or more than once a day. Ideally, I
should really only take them when absolutely necessary because they might hurt
the baby. Right. Now I can’t walk, sit, stand, or lie down because of pain and
I can’t sleep without the pain killer. At 6 months I have my third UTI and make
a quick visit to the doctor.
Slightly high blood pressure, nothing to worry about. If you
develop any of these (long list) of symptoms please go directly to the ER. Two
days later, our first hospital visit. I had preeclampsia, it’s a nice way of
saying that your body is rejecting the baby and your organs are slowly shutting
down. For the next 3 weeks we went back and forth between home, hospital, and
doctor’s office. Blood pressure continued to rise despite medications. Baby’s
weight is now well below average and concern sets in.
I was on bed rest, not that I have the strength or energy to
do anything but stay in bed. I now had almost a month of work because of my
back and blood pressure, and since I wasn’t planning on going back after the
baby was born, I was forced to resign early.
After 2 weeks of bed rest at home, I was finally admitted
into the hospital for an extended stay. I was only 33 weeks along at this point
and despite my very high blood pressure (100s/90s) they didn’t want me to have
the baby until absolutely necessary. I was retaining water like the Hoover Dam.
Fifty pounds of water weight in 2 weeks. That’s right, more stretch marks,
swelling, and, because I was also pregnant, I could barely move. I needed help
just to stand up to go to the bathroom.
Did you know that doctors and nurses are horrible liars? It’s
true. When you’ve been in the hospital for 6 days, on bed rest for 3 weeks,
gained 50+ lbs of water weight, can barely move, throw up everything you eat,
check your ever-rising blood pressure every 2 hours (even during the night),
only let you out of your room for 30 minutes a day, and stand there with a cup
full of pills and tell you that you look great, you know they are lying.
The events proceeding J’s birth are a bit hazy. It started
with a migraine-like pain in my head that wouldn’t go away with pain killers.
My blood pressure was out of control. I was a stroke-risk and not allowed to move,
not that I could with my head pounding the way it was. I have never been in so
much pain, but I wasn’t scared. All I cared about was feeling better and seeing
my baby.
When J was born he weighed 3 lbs 15 oz. He had trouble
breathing at first and spent 11 days in the NICU learning how to eat. I was
only allowed to see him twice the day he was born, and hold him for about 5
minutes. I was still a stroke risk, and not able to leave my room to visit my
baby for 48 hours.
They kept my in the hospital for 5 days after the baby was
born because my blood pressure was still so high. As luck would have it, as
they were discharging me from the hospital and removing my staples from the
surgery, my incision re-opened. Long story short, I spent the next 2 months
with a huge hole in my stomach, stuffed full of gauze, and covered with a
bandage.
It is now January 2016. J is 8 months old and the cutest
little thing in the world. My husband is amazing, working full-time and going
to school full-time while encouraging me to be the best stay at home mom
possible. My body has “normalized” after going through 2 years of extremes.
Right now the worst thing I deal with is the constant fibro- pain and lack of
sleep from raising a baby.
Which brings me to a few weeks ago when I sold the exercise
bike. It was a tough decision to sell it, even though I haven’t been able to
use it for 2 years. When the couple who bought it asked me why I didn’t use it
anymore I simply replied, “I had a hard pregnancy and couldn’t exercise.” The
girl, all of 19 years, giggled and said, “Oh, you’re so cute!” Here I was, 300
lbs with a 7 month old baby being given the brush off by someone 10 years
younger than me. I honestly didn’t know how to respond to that, but I wanted
the bike gone so I kept my mouth shut.
There is a sketch comedy show that my family and I love to
watch. Several times they have made jokes about people with weight issues, and
most recently an entire sketch about how undesirable large women are. Some
people may find it amusing, but to me it is offensive.
People see me and automatically assume that I am lazy and do
nothing but eat junk food. What they don’t see is the pain and frustration that
comes from health problems that are beyond your control. Sometimes the answer
isn’t as easy as simply eating a salad and exercising a little more. I eat
healthy and do the best I can to take care of my body. I would love to roll
back the clock and go for one of my “short” 5 mile runs again, but right now
that’s not possible.
It may sound cliché, but true strength comes through
adversity. It is only after the coal undergoes extreme pressure that it becomes
a diamond. Well world, if you care enough to pay attention, here I shine!
